I love Christmas as it is a time to reflect and ponder of what I have done for God and what God has done to me in throughout the year. It is a time to once again asking myself “why I am doing what I am doing“?
As I looked back and pondering about my Christmas last year, I could do nothing except thanking God for His grace. This time last year, if God didn’t come to rescue me, I could have DIED. I could have died due to my emotional crisis in my relationship. I remember how I just could not endure this emotional crisis anymore! God knew me and He was gracious enough to sent me back to Thailand for 4 months in order to be rested, refreshed, renewed and restored. I thank God too that He also put different ones to encourage me, pray for me, exhort me and lift me up during that time of crisis. After the 4 months, I came back with a new conviction, I came back stronger than before. I came back restored. And I once again dare to say “even if my world falls I will say above all .. I will live for God’s glory ..“.
This year I dare to once again hope and dream for God yet inside my heart I knew so well that God will bring a new challenge which would be harder and tougher than last year for me to face to prepare me for His great work. I feared and I hoped that I will be able to pass His test. And God did bring a new challenge to my life this year! This time I managed to pass the test victoriously by the help of the Holy Spirit and His living Word. I believe I could pass this test because I have grown to be tougher and stronger after the emotional crisis last year. I really thank God and He brought me pass to that emotional crisis. I am reminded of this scripture in Job 23:10 where it says
“But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold”
God knows the way that I take. He is a maker of each moment of my life. All trials and temptations are there to shape me to be His pure and perfect gold. I am so gald knowing that all the crisis and tough times that God allowed me to face is for me to become a “Golden Jimmie” for God. Thank You God, You have come to my rescue and You have grown me.
This year, as I pondered back and asking myself “WHY I am doing WHAT I am doing”. As I asked God to search my heart, surprisingly, some stuffs that I have done this year were not for God but it was for myself. Well, it seemed that it was for God but God knows my heart better thanI know myself. God revealed to me that sometimes I tend build my own kingdom rather building His Kingdom. In 2009, I pray that I will be doing everything for God.
“Why I am doing what I am doing??” There should be only one answer is that I am doing everything for God because I love Him for He died for me on the Cross! Friends, please hit my head really hard to warn me when I tend to do things for my own glory. I really want to be serious for Him in 2009. Building His Kingdom in QUT. Making disciplers. Commited to His vision!
I have already finished planning for my life goal for next year. It looks great in my own eyes. If God uses me according to what I have planned – that would be super fantastic. Yet, I was reminded by somebody with the quote from Brother Yun. He said
“if God decided to use me in the way He wanted, praise God. If one day suddenly he
decided NOT to use me anymore, still praise God. Because He is God”
This quote made me realise that it is not about me. I want to be used by God, not the way I wanted but the way He wants. I hope that His will will be done in my life in 2009. Yet, I am dare to dream and when I dream .. I dream BIG! Whatever I planned, I planned for God and I toltally submit my next year goal and plan for God. He is GOD. And friends please hit my head really really hard when you notice that I tend to do what I want rather than what God wants.
All in all, I believe this year I have grown to be a man of purpose. I know WHAT I am doing. I know WHY I am doing, I know WHO I am doing all these for. I am even more confident that God is real in mylife and the Scripture that God gave to me this Christmas is in 1 Corinthians 2:9.
“No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him
I have never known what He has installed for me for it is far greater than what I can fathom but I am confident that as long as I love Him whoeheartedly I will slowy being to discover of what He has installed for me even in 2009.
I am ready for 2009. I will continue to walk with Him, holding His hand tightly, never letting Him go … it’s my conviction, no once can take it away!
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